Sunday, July 29, 2012

Distance

                                                     (Image Source: http://people.desktopnexus.com)


"I will always be there for you, no matter what."

Words seemed so vague now, promises futile, vows abandoned. The droplets forced their way out, and flowed relentlessly down her cheeks. There wasn't the warm wetness of his lips that would kiss the salt away, sweetening her mood, urging the smile back into her face. The touch of his fingers on her soft palm was missing. The cool breath that whispered words of love in her ears seemed to have vaporized into the desolate atmosphere.

The sharp memories hit against her heart, knocking her unconscious. In that state of semi - trance, she could see him laughing, joking and smiling at her, his arms wide open, inviting her to a world of loving embrace.

She woke up in a fit of cough. Tears had made her weak. She looked around her room. It was in a state of utter mess. He liked neatness. Why did he go away from her life, leaving her in such state? Wasn't she worth his love? Sheer rage entered her mind, and with a sharp swish of her hand, the flower vase broke down into pieces.

Crash! Her mother entered the room with a glass of orange juice. She knew her daughter had to be strong at this hour. He had left her for sure, but she had to get out of this trauma. Being a mother, she couldn't let her break down.

"Sometimes things are not in our control. Why don't you pack your bags and go to Manali to your cousin's place?" she suggested.

When her mom left, she thought about the advice. Perhaps she needed to go to Manali. Isn't that where he always promised to take her?

Promises that now lay barren, eroded.

She picked up her cell - phone and looked at his last message, "We can't be together now. It's over."

The distance had been created. There was no way to cover it now.


This Piece is written for Sunday Scribblings and the Prompt is Distance.








34 comments:

  1. Hard to bear..and yet in some ways perhaps a definitive ending is easier to come to terms with..and I am glad her mother was there..great piece of flash fiction..Jae

    ReplyDelete
  2. Such an emotional piece! you really know how girls feel, its awesome! Good one!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just tried to capture the feeling ... Thanks for liking it :-)

      Delete
  3. Great writing. Yes, breaking up is hard for the one being left. You've captured all of the emotions in this. Hope you won't mind but I did spot a typo in this piece:
    Her mother entered the room with a glass of orange juice. She knew her daughter had to be strong at this hour. He had left him for sure. It should read 'her has left her for sure' not He had left him?
    It kind of smacks you in the eye as you read it over again.
    Thanks ...very nice read.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for pointing out the typo ... I have corrected it now :-)

      Thanks for going over the piece and providing your valuable suggestions ... And I am glad you liked the piece :-)

      Delete
  4. Most of us have gone through this phase, heartbreak, disbelief and utter misery that that there will never be another one like them again. But of course there is. You have captured her first reaction so well.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks a lot for visiting and for your kind feedback :-)

      Delete
  5. Ah you've brought out the emotions so well...

    ReplyDelete
  6. There is hope here. She'll go to Manili and begin again. Obviously, he wasn't worth her time. Well told!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There should always be a hope ... I completely agree with you Linda :-)

      Delete
  7. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  8. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  9. It is heart breaking but immaculately penned.

    ReplyDelete
  10. what a an emotional piece well done

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Rebecca ... glad you liked it :-)

      Delete
  11. Heart touching!
    Love the description and words selection :) :)
    You rocks with each of your write ups!
    My best wishes to you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks Simran ... your warm appreciation really means a lot to me ... I will keep trying and improving with guidance of friends like you :-)

      Delete
  12. Heart wrenching pain.. the loss of one's love.. will there ever be another? Perhaps in time. This was beautiful.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There may be another ... after all life is all about hopes and dwelling on dreams, isn't it? :-)

      Delete
  13. Nice prose ~ Perhaps the best way to get through the heartache is to go away and experience something new ~

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. May be that's the solution now :-)

      Delete
  14. engaging story....at first I thought she was hopelessly co-dependent, but at the end, I know she's going to be ok, once she gets to Manali!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes ... we do hope that she will recover from the trauma and emerge a better, stronger person :-)

      Delete
  15. Most of us have been there... Beautiful graphic writing that captures emotions!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Wow.. I can really feel the emotions here.. This is really touching.. exactly how we normally react at this state.. Waiting for more! ;)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Really captures the moment- the sadness at being hurt in this way, but the hope of going to Manali...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes...the hope of starting a new life :-)

      Delete